Hannah:
Your essay was put together really well. I think that over all your concept was well done and executed nicely. By focusing on your own real world issues it helps the reader understand more on a personal level how metaphors may affect us. However, I think one thing that will help you bring your essay together even more is if you condense your ideas. Some of you writing seems a bit choppy in some areas. By making your ideas more condensed it’ll make reading and understand your writing a lot easier. I also think you could pull in a few more ideas from the writings we read such as erard and khullar. By adding more of those quotes and their ideas it’ll make it easier for the reader to understand why you’re writing what your writing.
Ray:
I think the points you made were accurate and i see where your going with your essay. Good job relating your ideas back to the source material. I would just focus on the main thesis or point of your essay and how that relates to the idea of body image and metaphors. I can see the direction you’re going with your introductory and excited to see where you concept takes you throughout your essay.
